The New York Times.
英语笑话：To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer. A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
" Yes, but it doesn''t really matter. It didn''t hurt at all."
"Oh, no, it isn''t that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
保证没走错
在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：
“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？”
“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”
“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”
妈妈太忙 作业没做不是她的错
Teacher: Mike, you’re always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time...
老师：迈克，你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业，这次又……
壹壹英语考试
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.
迈克：对不起，老师，这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做，可妈妈实在太忙。
Always Thirsty
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
总感到口渴
一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy.
"I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
加分吧！！！