《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
本文来自: 恒星英语学习网( 详细出处参考：
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:Everybody says that I’m henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong. 每个人都说我惧内，但事实上，我壮的像老虎，（小声说）但我的老婆是武松。
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou! 我不怕你！
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)
Then,I’mafraidofwhom? 那么，我怕的是谁呢？
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighborhood.
我老婆刘兰芝在邻里间很出名。
She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.
她比我勇敢，比我聪明，比我强壮。
All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!
这些我都不在乎，我只想她比我纤弱。但她不是。
Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
有这样的老婆就像活在地狱里。
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
My God ! Who can help me?
天哪，谁能救救我！
(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can! 我可以！
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? 刘兰芝！刘兰芝！你在哪？
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum? 我在这！发生什么事了妈妈？
JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“ my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. 我早就跟你说过多少遍了，你应该叫我“我美丽的优雅的最亲爱的妈妈。”
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup?
好吧，我美丽的优雅的最亲爱的妈妈，发生什么事了？
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly . You have been so rude ,so brusque,so lazy……
尽管你和我儿子结婚了，你表现得太差了。你是如此的粗鲁，莽撞，懒惰...
L:But…… 但是...
JM:Never interrupt me! 不要打断我！
L:Never interrupt me!不要打断我！Since I married your son , that terrible Johnny , I have been working hard all day long , cooking and washing .I have raised ten soft hous and sofpigs and duck sand chicken and……
自从我嫁给你儿子，着糟糕的焦仲卿我每天都在辛苦工作，洗衣做饭。
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
但你做的一切都没有孙子有价值。
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)Goand ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
哦，你想要孙子，对吧？去找你儿子去吧！我走！