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搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表:西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具:牛奶两袋,匕首一把,戒子一枚,纸屑若干。

第一幕:决战紫荆城之颠

旁白:A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇.

X:oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:, Never mind baby.

X:Excuse me, who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?

Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!

Y抱腿:Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

X:No, I must kill you !

Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?

Y突然站起冷冷的说:Don’t force me!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

Y:please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Do you still want to kill me ?

X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!

X捂着肚子,蹲下(做痛苦状):Oach,Oach !

Y大笑:HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit

(一人路过,x起身跑过去)

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气,转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you?

H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right !

H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕:无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! (指Y) this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.

美女出场

M:hello,帅锅..

K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.

H走到Y前,《婚礼进行曲》起,H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.

K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!(音乐停)

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?

Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ?

Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!

Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.

K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子,蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?(看着X,做惊吓状)are you ok?(跑到西门吹雪身边)

Y :do you want to go to wc?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.

M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?

M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.

K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?

Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.

M扑倒在X的身边:X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !

Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏,K吓跑.音乐《再见,警察》起)

Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死,音乐停)

(X咳,H扑到身边,电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起)

M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.

X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.

M I promise . I will never let go(X死) ,

M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

—来自于网络