英语四人话剧!幽默搞笑的话剧剧本《赖皮孙子糊涂爷爷》
演员:?P:?Pirate-Grandson.?M:?Mother.
F:?Father.?K:?King?-Grandpa.
旁白:?There?are?4?members?in?a?family,?Pirate,?a?7-year-old?naughty?boy.?His?mummy?is?a?beautiful?white-collar?worker.?His?dad,?Andy?Lau?is?a?famous?singer,?and?his?dear?grandpa,?King?is?a?kindly?old?man.?Pirate?loves?his?grandpa?most,?because?King?is?very?spoiling?him.?He?hates?his?parents.?Frankly?speaking,?he?is?afraid?of?them,?Because?they?are?very?strict?with?him.?.
正剧：(P,K出场)
P:?Old?King,?Open?the?TV,?I?want?to?see?Tom?and?Jerry.?I?love?that?mouse.?Quick!?No?time!?I?can’t?wait?another?second.
K:?Oh?dear!?I?nearly?forget?it.?Don’t?worry,?I?open?it?right?now.?(作开电视状)
P:?Ha?Ha!?It’s?really?funny!?Tom?is?so?good!?(作高兴状)搞笑小品
Oh?no!?“The?End!”?Where?is?Tom?I?hate?the?end!?(摔电视机，liuxue86.com作极度气愤状)?Old?King!?(对K吼)
K：Oh,?what?a?pity?dog!?(作左顾右盼状)?Your?parents?are?not?here?,and?we?can?change?another?one?,our?brave?Pirate,?just?tell?me.?I’m?sure?your?demand?will?be?satisfied.?(作充满自信状)
P：Really!?OK!?Now,?let’s?watch?Caribbean?Pirates!
K:?Humm,?No,?it’s?unfit?for?you……?(作犹豫状)
P:?I?just?like?this?film,?Old?King,?you?tell?lies.?You?don’t?keep?your?promise.(作气愤欲泣状)
K;?Oh?yes,?I?play?it?for?you.?(作为难状)?But?please?be?quite,?I’m?afraid?your?parents?wound?not?like?us?doing?these.
P:?Don’t?tell?so?much!?I?have?been?an?adult?man?of?7?years?old.?I?promise?it?to?you.?(作自豪自信状)
K：OK.?(作舒心，安慰状)
P:?Fight?him,?kill?him.?Throw?these?bad?guys?into?the?sea……?(高声喊)
K:?Xu?……..?(作禁声状).?Remember?your?promise,?young?adult?man.
P:?Oh?What?promise?I?have?forgotten?it.?(作天经地义状)
K:?Oh?!?You?are?right(作理解状，因为Pirate一贯如此，出尔反尔)
P:?Old?King.?I?give?you?an?honorable?mission.?(作自豪状)?Be?my?horse,?and?I?will?ride?on?your?back?,?let’s?help?these?people?in?dangerous?situation,?just?like?a?brave?knight.(作勇敢状)
K:?What!?Ride?on?my?back!?Be?your?horse!!(作惊异状)
P:?Yes,?your?hearing?is?very?good,?any?question?(作若无其事状)
K:?No,?No,?sound?a?good?idea!?Very?good!?You?are?a?brave?Pirate.?Now?come?on?my?back.?(作无奈状)
P:?(作高兴状，作跃上马背状)?Hei!?Let’s?go!?Kill?all?those?bad?men.?Quick!?Run?quick!?.......?(意气风发状)
(M,F携手进场):搞笑小品剧本
P:?Oh,?my?god!?Mummy,?Daddy!?(A,D作慌忙状，挡在电视机前)
M:?Dad,?what?are?you?doing!?Naughty?Pirate,?isn’t?your?trick!?(作气愤状)
P:(作阳痿状)?Mummy,?it’s?not?my?fault.?Old?king?let?me?massage?his?back.?Hei?Hei?(作心虚状，以掩饰内心的恐惧)
M:?I?don’t?believe?it.?(作严肃状)?Dad,?isn’t?really?that?(询问K)
K:?Yes,?of?course,?I?can’t?image?a?child?only?5?year?old,?can?massage?so?good.?Oh…….?(释然状，因为圆了我的谎)
M:?Really.?I?don’t?believe?the?litter?pirate?can?massage,?who?taught?him.?(作怀疑状)?Dear,?isn’t?you?
F:?No,?I?haven’t,?but?I?decide?to?enjoy?his?massage?another?day,?Do?you?think?so,?dear?
M:?Yes,?really?a?good?suggestion.
(P，D作惊恐状。A：发抖，D：挥汗)
(P挡着电视怕被M、F发现，K也为P作掩饰)
P:?Mummy,?Do?you?feel?a?little?cold?
K:?Yes,?I?can?feel?it.?(边挥汗边说冷)
M:?No,?it’s?summer.?Really?hot,?do?you?catch?cold?
P:?No,?No,?just?my?feeling.?(更加发抖，一不小心被B看到了电视)
M:?Pirate,?what’s?behind?you?(疑问状)
P:?Oh,?nothing,?nothing!?(作惊恐状)
M:?Move?away?.little?Pirate!?(作气愤状)
P:?Oh?no!?The?storm?will?come.?(捂脸作害怕状)
M:?Caribbean?Pirate!?What’s?a?bad?film!?Little?Pirate!?(气愤状)
P:?Mummy,?I?surrender.?(作投降状)
M:?Daddy?,this?film?is?unfit?for?him?,?it?is?full?of?killing，force?and?negative?passion,?and?it?will?let?him?become?bad?!
K:?I?know?that,?but?I?meat?to?let?him?watch?Tom?and?Jerry?and?he?like?it?very?much.?Yes?Pirate?(想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线)
P:?Yes,?a?very?clever?mouse?and?a?stupid?cat.?(作博学状)
M:?Dad,?don’t?let?him?watch?so?much?TV,?it?wastes?a?lot?of?time,?and?it?is?bad?for?his?eyesight.?He?may?become?short-sighted.?(诚恳状)
小品：“不差钱”
(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)
Got the Money Anyway(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。)
(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛： 到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰 调情~~~
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。 Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调!!
毛毛： 爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。
Uncle Zhao 情调(qíng diào) All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调?就搁这儿吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。 Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? 赵本山：贵?咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢?
Yadar What bag? 毛毛： 我没拿包啊。
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了。
Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗?
Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。
Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛： 这也不能够啊。
Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员!