A
tiger
caught
a
Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿
The
tiger
plans
to
eat
the
deer,
so
the
deer
screamed:
"
you
can't
eat
me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫：“你不能吃我？”
The
tiger
hesitated,
feeling
very
strange,
so
he
asked
the
deer:
"
why
can't
i
eat
you?
老虎一楞，感到很奇怪，于是问鹿：“为什么我不能吃你？”
The
deer
said:"
Because
im
a
protected
second
class
animal
in
the
country,
so,
no
matter
what
you
can't
eat
me
!"
鹿说：“因为我是国家二级保护动物，所以，你无论如何也不能吃了我！”
The
tiger
after
hearing
what
the
deer
said,
laughed
and
said
"
haha,
then
i
should
really
eat
you
!
老虎听完笑着说：“呵呵，那么我更应该要吃你了
Deer
asked
:
"
why
"鹿说：“为什么？”
"
because
im
a
first
class
protected
animal
in
the
country"
Tiger
proudly
said
“因为我是国家一级动物！”老虎得意地说。
荒唐的信
Two
psychiatrists
were
at
a
convention.
“What
was
your
most
difficult
case?”
one
asked
the
other.
“Once
I
had
a
patient
who
lived
in
a
pure
fantasy
world,”
replied
his
colleague.
“He
believed
that
a
wildly
rich
uncle
in
South
America
was
going
to
leave
him
a
fortune.
All
day
long
he
waited
for
a
make?believe
letter
to
arrive
from
a
fictitious
attorney.
He
never
went
out
or
did
anything.
He
just
sat
around
and
waited.”
“What
was
the
result?”
“It
was
an
eight?year
struggle,
but
I
finally
cured
him.
And
then
that
stupid
letter
arrived...”
两个精神病专家在一次会议上碰见了。其中一个问另一个：“你最棘手的病例是什么样的?”
“我曾有过一个病人，他生活在一个纯幻想的世界里，”他的同行回答。“他坚信南美有个大富翁叔叔要留给他一笔遗产。他整天等待着从一个虚构的律师那儿收到证实信。他从不出门，无所事事，只是坐着干等。”
“结果如何?”
“经过长达8年的努力，我终于把他给治好了。可就在那时，那封荒唐的信到了……”
The
mean
man's
party
The
notorious
cheap
skate
finally
decided
to
have
a
party.
Explaining
to
a
friend
how
to
find
his
apartment,
he
said,
"Come
up
to
5M
and
ring
the
doorbell
with
your
elbow.
When
the
door
open,
push
with
your
foot."
"Why
use
my
elbow
and
foot?"
"Well,
gosh,"
was
the
reply,
"You're
not
coming
empty-hangded,
are
you?吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
I
think
that
I'm
a
chicken
Psychiatrist:
What's
your
problem?
Patient:
I
think
I'm
a
chicken.
Psychiatrist:
How
long
has
this
been
going
on?
Patient:
Ever
since
I
was
an
egg!
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
Who
Is
the
Laziest?
Father:
Well,
Tom,
I
asked
to
your
teacher
today,
and
now
I
want
to
ask
you
a
question.
Who
is
the
laziest
person
in
your
class?
Tom:
I
don't
know,
father.
Father:
Oh,
yes,
you
do!
Think!
When
other
boys
and
girls
are
doing
and
writing,
who
sits
in
the
class
and
only
watches
how
other
people
work?
Tom:
Our
teacher,
father.
中文：
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
Old
Farmer
Johnson
was
dying.
The
family
was
standing
around
his
bed.
With
a
low
voice
he
said
to
his
wife:
"When
I'm
dead
I
want
you
to
marry
farmer
Jones."
Wife:
"No,
I
can't
marry
anyone
after
you."
Johnson:
"But
I
want
you
to."
Wife:
"But
why?"
Johnson:
"Jones
once
cheated
me
in
a
horse
deal!"
译文：
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子：“为什么？”
约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”