英语作文求更正，很多地方语法错误但是不想闹出笑话，求帮忙改好点。 需要加财富值或者哪里看不清请告

English writing for many local syntax error correction, but don't want to make a joke, to help change a good point.

Need to add wealth value or where not clear please advise, thank you!!

Want to help me correct rate, please.

Thank you!!