1How do you get 5 oboes in tune?
Shoot 4 of them.
2How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
Steal his batteries.
3What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
4Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
The bassoon burns longer.
8What are burning oboes used for?
To set bassoons on fire.
9What is another name for a bassoon?
A farting bedpost.
10Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
11How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
Put your hand in the bell and miss notes.
12How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player ?
He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your ass.
13How do make a trombone sound like a French horn?
Play facing backwards and chip a lot of notes.
14What's the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A trombone will bend before it breaks.
15How do make a trombone sound like a French horn?
If a trombone sounded liked anything, it would seek out
petrified bones and reunite with them.
6How do you make a French horn sound like a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell and miss entrances.
7There was a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west.
What can be surmised from this?
The frog's probably on its way to a gig.