A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "A second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says, "In a second."
一男子甲去教堂祷告。
他说："上帝，一百万美金对你意味着什么？"上帝说："一分钱！"，他又问："那一百万年对你来说又是什么？"上帝回答："一秒。"路人甲忍不住了："亲爱的上帝，求你给我一分钱吧！"上帝回到："等一秒！"。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
A Girl Just Like Mother
No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．
“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．”
So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：
“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her”
“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？”
“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”
和母亲一样的女孩
无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：
“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”
于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。
他对他友好的忠告者说：
“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”
“那后来呢？”朋友问。
“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！”